RoLLer CoASter Lyfe
I hate people who judge me blindly from just wat dey see only. Especially there was no bad intentions and of course I'm Ms Pure of Heart. I have a feeling that my year this year is a long Roller Coaster ride on which I will have the biggest PUKE at the end! The ups and downs are just very drastic which brought me high up and just plunge me down.Being alone in this world is really very challenging. Being adopted gave me no privilledge at all. And being independent is just so difficult. Sometimes I wonder why Papa has to leave me dat early and not watch me grow or succeed. Papa was not there when I needed him the most. I've always thought that Allah has better plans for me but eversince I was 16, everything is going down and wrong after he left.
And now all I relied on is my partner. On which he finds it too difficult. He thinks that I'm always demanding for more and I wanted all his attention. Well it's true. I just do not have any other people to ask for that. He's gonna be my husband anyway so he has to face it but he never like it at all. He thinks dat I've never see him the good way but come to think of it, Why the hell I chose him if i didnt see his good. i would have dumped him long time ago.That has place me in position where I will always think that I'm born to be independant. He has made me the happiest and he has also made me the weakest. I'm confused. I need him but I can't need him.
He say I'm not appreciative, I'm rude, dis-respectful. what hurt me the most was when he said that I've not done anything for him. Maybe it's true I don't. I've done nothing cause I have nothing. This has made me feel even more useless. More vulnerable, more fragile, more weak.
Thanks for The Blogger I'm able to talk my heart out. Having it written in words I hope I will always feel much better. Lyfe is a Long Roller Coaster Ride for me. I just hope that somebody, somewhere will rescue me by stopping the ride in place and in time before I get that never-ending nausea which will effect my whole entire life.
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